Don’t complain!

Has Duncan Hothersall called Nicola Sturgeon a ‘grievance-monkey’ yet? Wouldn’t be like him to miss an opportunity to deploy that one. Having a distinct aversion to industrial-grade Scottish cringe and a grovelling, obsequious regard for the British ruling elites that makes Uriah Heep look about as ‘umble as Kanye West, I tend to avoid his Tweets. But it’s easy enough to imagine the bitter we blob of BLiS-bile’s sneering reaction to the First Minister’s fury at Scotland yet again being treated with utter contempt by the British state.

For British Nationalists like Hothersall this is, of course, exactly as it should be. From their perspective, it is not only right that Scotland isn’t represented in important discussions, it is absolutely necessary – lest we ‘Uppity Jocks’ get ideas above our station and start imagining that we are actually equal partners in the Union. Every once in a while – or on a daily basis – we need to be reminded that significant affairs of state are best left to adroit political tacticians such as David Davis. It must occasionally be pointed out to us that, when it comes to having a voice in the world, we should count ourselves blessed to have the oratorical grace and power of Boris Johnson. And we must never be allowed to forget the strong and stable leadership provided by Theresa May.

What’s all the fuss about anyway? What does it matter if the individual who actually has a democratic mandate to represent Scotland was pointedly excluded from the meeting of the Brexit ‘Squabble Cabinet’ at Chequers? What does it matter if even the British state’s man in Scotland, David ‘Snackbeard’ Mundell, wasn’t invited? Michael Gove was there! And didn’t his grandma once work in a fish-shop in Aberfeldy? Or was it Aberdeen? One of those Aber-places. Although it might have been Wales. Whatever! There’s nothing to complain about. Or, as Duncan Cringemonkey would say, you’re just being a ‘grievance-monkey’.

Which, come to think of it, is a bit of a strange idea. Suppose you went to your doctor with some debilitating disease and he dismissed you as an ‘ailment-monkey’. I’m going to hazard that you’d be less than content with this response.

Still! That’s the crazy world of British politics! You may not like it. But don’t you dare complain!

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